I just don’t know how long I can do this. I got one of my guys killed. We don’t know he’s dead, though everything is pointing to the fact he’s dead. I got him killed. I could have done something. I could have saved him. I could have fought the Sith. I could have refused to fall back when he said to. I fell back, I didn’t fight. I waited on the damn Jedi to talk it out with the Sith. I failed. Morgan is dead because I failed to do anything.

Everyone hates my guts. They know I got him killed. I didn’t do everything I could to save him. They’re all wanting to go out there and rescue him right now. They shouldn’t even be thinking of going after him. Morgan should be here. It shouldn’t have gone wrong in the first place. We shouldn’t have been ambushed. We should have been better organized when it all went down. I should have done better and Morgan wouldn’t be dead.

I hate Jedi. I don’t really, but I want to strangle the whole lot of them tonight. Mere hours ago we were going out to investigate some campsite. We brought along a group of Jedi from the Marran with us. Worst idea ever. There is something about holocrons that make jedi go bonkers. I mean, we already established the camp was rigged with traps. We nearly stepped on one on our way in. Then some Jedi gets a bug up her butt and runs head-long into the camp and opens some crate. She’s damn lucky it wasn’t rigged to explode. Then one of my guys, PFC Cortair, goes insane and runs into the camp as well. Some weird ass shit happens and he goes unconciouss. I’m not even going to continue. The complete idiocy of some people. A crate is open and it explodes. I swear…

I need a break. I need to get away. I’m putting in for some leave. I’m going back to Corellia for a few days with Vyen’a and relax. I need it. She needs it. Some semblance of normality. It will be nice to go home and not be there to just discuss business.

((Short one to cap off Operation Hammer Dawn. There will be another entry today on a more recent RP occurence for Jerax.))

I’m on my way back from a quick trip to Coruscant. They just wanted to talk about my postion as Garrison Commander on Voss-ka, or my previous position as Garrison Commander I should mention. I’ve been removed from that post and will return to my duties as Platoon Leader. I am relieved to say the least, it was a position for a Major, a Captain at the very least. No reason as to why. The scandals as of late on Voss probably triggered it. No fault of my own, just caught in the cross fire.

The one thing that I have been able to do alot more now is think, and not think of what I’m doing will disrupt the delicate political balance. I’ve mostly been able to think about Vyen’a. I stooped pretty low the other day when I was snooping through her things. I should have just asked her, but she would just put up her wall and kept me out. I came across a holo-recording of her while in her last stint in the med-bay. She was kicking herself for even getting tangled with me. I at first thought that she was afraid of me leaving. Deciding I was through with her and moving on to another woman… like that will ever happen.

Now she is in the med-bay again and for the same reason. I had a revelation over the last few days. I think I understand what she was talking about. She isn’t afraid I’ll just leave her for someone else; she’s afraid that I’ll leave… and never come back. Fears of Vyen’a leaving me were all I could think about when she was hurt and unconcious. She feels that every time I go out on patrol. The last couple of weeks did nothing to help that. I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t promise her that I’ll never get hurt. I can’t promise her anything to calm her mind. I can say that I won’t try and get hurt, but what will that do? She already knows that… I think. I’m stuck. I need to talk with her, but what do I say? What do I do? I guess I’ll just have to go in there and comfort her the best I can.

As I write this, I am on a transport back to Voss. I made a stop over to meet a new friend. She needed my help and I went to give it to her. She’s Jerhal’s girlfriend and I have had a change of heart. Might be becuase she needs someone watching her since Jerhal isn’t here. Irregardless, I offered her everything I had to offer. The Republic’s protection, the 7th’s protection, and my family’s protection. I think that’s what she needed. Poor thing, with everything life has thrown at her, life is still kicking her. She took my offer and is probably off to Nar Shadda to meet my contact for her.

I hope she takes it, spent a good three days hunting him down. For family, he is very elusive. Tracked him down on Tatooine of all places. Said he was looking for a woman but then he did say he found her. Must have been the blonde that left before I got there. Anyway, he agreed to assist me with this girl. Asked for her name, but I told him it could wait. Gave him a special comm unit to use, just us two. It’s been heavily encrypted and impossible to trace (got to love what my family can do). This is dangerous stuff. If Imperial Intelligence is trailing this girl, which they are, then they’ll be watching her comm. I hope I can comm him before she calls, be a nasty suprise if she comms first.

Now I got to tell Vy. She’ll probably be pissed. She isn’t too happy about this girl. I hope I can talk her down and maybe change her mind. She and Jerhal are close and since neither Jerhal or this girl are backing down, she ought to come around.

I’m thankfull though I can talk to Vy. Apparently she was mauled and shot while I was off traveling around the Galaxy. I owe Dhen a drink when I see him. He saved my Vy and brought her back to me. I will need to speak the doctor about her release. If she’s as healthy as she looks, the med-bay may lengthen her stay then shorten it. Being in there isn’t good for her mental health. When I get back I need to pay her a visit. Since the crisis on Voss is dying down for me, I probably will spend the night with her, God knows she needs.

Speaking of crises, the Imperial Ambassador was stabbed the other day. They blamed it on SIS after they gunned the men down. Now it seems that it looks like a rush to judgement and even a failed plot by the Imperials. I knew we didn’t have a hand in this. The method was far too inefficient. A blaster would have been more effective and the fact that their was no redundency… shocker that Imperial Inteligence would be that sloppy. Now the Imperials are being fined and sanctioned by the Voss. I feel sorry for the SOB that has to clean that up… assuming they aren’t cleaning him up.

Again it has been a while since I wrote here. Between cleaning up diplomatic incidents and dealing with everything life has thrown at me lately, this has been very low on my list to do.

What has caused me the most headache lately has been an incident between my unit and some Imperials. I wasn’t there but apparently they were scouting a recently crashed transport belonging to the Empire. As to be expected, the Empire came out and wanted their transport. I don’t know exactly what caused it. The Empire says we fired first; my men say they had mortars dropped on their head. Either way there was a firefight and because of it, I am having to be in so many meetings with both my abassador, the Empire’s garrison commander, and then the Voss. The Sith want their personel back, but the personel they want back have asked for asylum. I am thankful that it isn’t my problem. Let the Ambassador take care of it.

Then on top of that, my Senior Sergeant has picked-up this gal. Well apparently her Sith masters aren’t to keen with her being with a Republic soldier. I don’t blame them. I am not too happy with Jerhal being with this Empire woman. Then tonight he gets into it with her Sith Masters. We had to mobilize the men just in case things went to blows or the Sith took out their lighsabers. As we are finishing up after the stand down is called and the new Sergeants get their stripes, Jerhal shows up with this girl on his arm. The men head off to the base and I grab somethings from my Voss-Ka office. I get back to Talanis and there she is. He then brings her to my office in Talanis and introduces her to me. The idiot has fallen so hard for this chick. He’s blinded by his own infatuation. The idiot is going to get himself killed or the whole unit at this rate. Thankfully he’s going off to join his old amrored cav unit. Hopefully he comes back and is over this woman. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate this woman, it’s for what she can cause to this unit that I despise her presence. If this woman wants to so desperately get away from her Sith masters and Jerhal is so set on this chick, I’ll send her to Coruscant so she can be safe and my unit won’t befall the consequnces this woman will have on our sheltering her. Hell, if she is in so much danger I’ll send her to Corellia. No one could touch her there.